Before the paragrahp venting I just want to say that by no means will I ever send this to them. Some things are better left unsaid. I just wanted to vent because my heart has been feeling heavier than usual lately and I didn’t want to share with anyone in real life because they all know both of us and I don’t want to make it awkward.
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Dear,

I miss you. I miss you so much that I’ll never tell you that. Missing you and wishing things were different doesn’t change the reality. My reality, our reality, and the fact that too much has happened for this friendship to ever be healthy again. I never thought I’d be the one to lift my hands in the air and give up. I really hoped we’d be those people who’d grow old together and bicker about you chewing loudly when we’d share a room in the retirement home after a lifetime long friendship. I wished we’d be at eachothers weddings, birthdays and all the other events. Celebrating this last New year’s eve without you was odd. It felt empty and strange. No matter how much it hurts I have to keep going. You will never change, and I’ll never be okay with the way you are. I didn’t deserve your lies and deceptions. You were my home, my everything and once I realised you never felt the same about me that february my heart broke. While I thought of you as a sister, a best friend, you were badmouthing me around and making a drama out of my already miserable existence. You exused it saying you had good intentions and didn’t know how to voice them but I believe a person doing things from the goodness of their heart would’ve never reacted the way you did. I was drowning and you kicked me deeper into the void but somehow I ended up being blamed by our friends for the awkward situation you’ve put me in. I’ll never forget how it all made me feel. Just how lonely I felt. How when I was breaking, my “friends” called it overreacting. I wont forget how you decided to put the problem and blame on me for something you messed up when you tried to pretend to be suicidal in front of my eyes. As if ruining it all wasn’t enough, you had to emotionally blackmail me into staying friends and making yourself look like the victim and me as the overly dramatic villain who pushed you into that state. No one ever asked me how I was feeling when you betrayed me in so many ways. In the eyes of people around me I was - as per usual - overreacting. So after years I decided to remove myself from the friendship group and start fresh somewhere where my wounds will not constantly be reopening. No matter how much I miss the good times, I don’t want to go back to the bad ones. So yes, I miss you and I probably always will but this is the end. The end of our friendship.

I love you, I always will, I just don’t like who you are as a person anymore.